If you have seen at least one movie at the cinema in the last 3-4 months, then you have seen a trailer for Argylle.
One of the taglines for this movie is “Once you know the secret, don’t let the cat out of the bag.” While this is easily meant to apply to the plot, it did not take long for me to realize the makers meant this for the movie itself. The secret is that this cinematic “cat” is the first one to not land on its feet since Mufasa (I totally understand if that is too soon to bring up).*
All the basic (spoiler free) aspects of the plot are in the trailer (which is not entirely the film’s fault), but I explain those aspects I must. The film basically starts off where the trailer does, as the rather introverted author Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) has just finished book five in her famous Argyyle spy book series. Soon, she hits a bit of a writers block, and decides to visit her mom (Catherine O’Hara) for some help on the latest manuscript. On the train trip, she meets a self confessing fan named Aidan (Sam Rockwell), who (as stated in the trailer) is a real life spy. He explains to Elly that what she is writing is actually happening in real life, and he needs her help in finding a flash drive of sorts.
Okay, at first there are things that I did like about the film up to this point. It is kind of intriguing to think that an author of spy novels would know certain things about the field of espionage that even those in the field don’t. It is also kind of cute seeing that Aidan has a cat allergy, which is a nuisance since Elly carries her cat Alfie around with her all the time in a suitcase of sorts. Sadly, that is where the positives of the film end (despite some nice song choices in the soundtrack.)
The cast of the film is overflowing with wasted talent. Aside from the aforementioned Howard, Rockwell, and O’Hara, you have the likes of Henry Cavill, John Cena, Ariana Debose, Bryan Cranston, Dua Lipa, Richard E. Grant, and Samuel L. Jackson. I mention these names not as to embarrass them, but to show how much talent they each possess to survive this.
If I had to pick someone to fault for the film, it is director Matthew Vaughn. The director of the Kingsmen films is obviously a talented director, but that talent is wasted here. There are many noticeable times in the film, for example, when we get the same type of transition technique. Vaughn zooms in on a certain object (i.e., the pupil of an eye), then zooms out to show the scene has changed. All well and good, but it is repeated to the point of near nauseam. It is nearly on par with the wipe transitions used in a Star Wars film.
Then there are the action scenes. While the first Kingsmen film is admittedly the only film I have actually seen of Vaughn’s prior to this, that film did show his promise as a filmmaker (in particular the scene where Colin Firth’s character goes on a high speed killing spree in a church).
In this film, there are two things that are somewhat questionable. Consider the first action scene in the real world when we meet Rockwell’s character (again, this is briefly shown in the trailer). Most of the action is shown through the eyes of Elly, who is picturing her version of Agent Argylle (Cavill) doing all the work.
Sure, it makes sense seeing her picturing her creation doing all the butt kicking (which an actor like Henry Cavill is always convincing at doing with swagger), but I personally would rather have seen more of the Rockwell version, which is not as polished yet more realistic.
The other action movie sin is the use of too much slow motion (which has been used for decades now thanks to The Matrix). I am not against slow motion action scenes in a film provided that they…
A.) make sense in why they are used
B.) not used to show off
C.) are not used excessively.
This adds to the one of the film’s biggest sins: It is way too long. It only clocks in at about 2 hours and 19 minutes. I am convinced that I could watch either Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon in less time than how long this film felt. Heck, maybe a double feature.
Parents, aside from some revealing clothing, action violence, and swearing (one F bomb), the film is okay for an audience over 13. I only hope that teens going on their first date to this movie get some form of forgiveness, and the second date goes better.
Oh, how badly I want to spoil this film! Through out the film, I was thinking of my friend Mike and his Game for a Movie Podcast, where he likes to review bad movies. His voice was in my head during this film, and I hope he knows what he may get himself in for if he decides to talk about this one. I have not even gotten into the plot and how the word “convoluted” is a gross understatement of a description. If this script had more ways of folding in on itself with twists, we may finally see a piece of paper be folded more than seven times.
There is also a mid credit scene that is supposedly setting up a sequel that, if made, will look like teaching a three year old how to swim by throwing them into a hurricane.
Here is hoping the rest of 2024 does not have any other films I see that are worse, but my luck is not always the best.
Overall:
*I forgot about the actual movie CATS, but the line about Mufasa was too good to pass up.
Nothing else to say 