Categories
1 Star Movies

The Goldfinch (2019)

It was film critic Gene Siskel who normally would ask “Is this movie as interesting as the same actors having lunch together?” Had he lived to see The Goldfinch, the answer would be a short and direct no. With actors like Ansel Elgort, Nicole Kidman, Oakes Fegley, Finn Wolfhard, Sarah Paulson, and Luke Wilson, it can be safetly assumed that the making of this film would almost be riveting (not to mention some of those behind the camera). Oh how I wish these people were in a different movie.

Alas, that is not the case, and we are stuck with The Goldfinch, based off the 2014 Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Donna Tart (unread by me). The film starts in the aftermath of a (fictional) terrorist attack at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, leaving few survivors. One of which is 13 year old Theo (young talented Oakes Fegley), whose mother was killed in the attack. He is taken in briefly by an upper class family, the Barbour, and finds a somewhat newer mother figure in Mrs. Barbour (Nicole Kidman).We learn that one of the other victims in the attack was an acquaintance of a antiques dealer named Hobie (Jeffrey Wright), who takes young Theo under his wing as the young soul is more than intrigued by “old things” (not to mention Hobie’s adopted daughter Pippa, who also survived the attack and was catching Theo’s eye before the explosion). It is soon discovered by the audience that Theo has stolen a priceless artwork from the rubble, known as The Goldfinch.

He is soon taken away from his deadbeat dad (Luke Wilson) and his girlfriend Xandra (Sarah Paulson) to live with in the outskirts of Las Vegas. Though both seem loving, it does not take much to see that these two only want Theo for the money that his mother left him. The only light in Theo’s young life is his new friend Boris (Finn Wolfhard of Stranger Things and the IT films), a Russian immigrant (though he mentions he is from many places).

There is a lot (to say the least) jumping around in this movie, as we fast forward to an adult Theo (Ansel Elgort), who now deals in antiques, and finds pieces of his past childhood experiences, which were mostly nothing short of bad, as certain people of the past have died (and in tragic ways). It is melodrama cranked to the max. I forgot to mention how, when he first moved in with the Harbour family, Mrs. Harbour introduced him to a prescription drug that helped with the affects of the aftermath of the attack (PTSD I guess). This starts Theo into a drug habit that escalates even more when he meets Boris (whose own home life is chaotic with his father). The end of the film shows a crime caper of sorts, which legit makes no sense.

I am sure this film had all the best of intentions (and I am sure the book is great), but the translation from page to screen is not merely lost: it vanishes. There was a lot of source material to work from (I found out the book is in the 700-800 page range), but the film still drags on for too long. Sure, the run time is long (two and a half hours), but even films at that length don’t always seem to drag as much (the first film to come to mind that had about that same length of runtime is The Dark Knight, which never dragged on). The Goldfinch had me checking my watch constantly, and that started about 20 or 30 minutes into the film.

Parents, the film is rated R mainly for language and drug use. There is no sexuality (though it is inferred that some characters have slept with each other). High School and above.

The film is directed by John Crowley, who was at the helm of 2015’s criminally under seen gem Brooklyn. He is clearly a talented filmmaker, but even the best of them have flops. The one bit of light for The Goldfinch is (somewhat poetically) that the man behind the lighting (i.e., the cinematographer) is the legendary Roger Deakins, meaning the film is indeed wonderful to look at.

Toward the end of the film, one character mentions how some good can come from bad. It will be sometime before I discover what good has come from seeing this film.

Overall:

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Categories
1 Star Movies

Aladdin (2019)

Unless you own a copy of a special edition on Blu-ray or DVD (or VHS for that matter), your best chance of finding a copy of the original Aladdin from 1992 would be to go to Family Video (or better yet, the library) and try your luck there. The new Disney streaming service, Disney +, won’t be available til November 12th, which is supposed to have all the original classics for viewers to witness. I mention these for one simple reason: you are far better doing all you can to see the original than the newest live action Aladdin remake, which is more than a let down.

Directed by Guy Ritchie (a somewhat peculiar choice, despite his talent), the film is mostly faithful to the original story, with some adjustments. Aladdin (Mena Massoud) is still a “street rat”, able to get by with his faithful monkey Abu by stealing (though he does still have a good heart, as he shows again by giving food to those worse off than him). He makes a quick connection with a local girl, who we know is Jasmine in hiding (played by Naomi Scott). Unlike the original, this film does not show her trying to escape her palace life. That life, of course, is not the most glamourous, as she is told by her Sultan father (Navid Negahban) that the best way for her to live life is to get married to a prince and keep her mouth shut when it comes to (for lack of a better word) political matters. Behind the scenes of the Sultan is Jafar (Marwan Kenzari) and his mischievous parrot Iago. He manages to get Aladdin to (you know) go into the cave of wonders and fetch a lamp, containing the genie (Will Smith, for those who did not know).

At this point in the review, it is time to know whether Will Smith works as the genie. The answer is (for the most part) a sad, “No.” Let us first state the obvious: what Robin Williams did in the original animated film was a landmark performance for film animation (and film in general), resulting in what is arguably the best performance in animation history, never to be topped. Smith himself has said that he was nervous in trying to play the role. To his credit, he does not (for the most part) try to duplicate all of the Williams performance, but try to make it his own. When he is not in his blue form, it is just under par. In his blue form, it is cringeworthy. Will Smith is undoubtably talented and one of the most charming actors alive, but when it came to universality (which is what the Genie should really be all about), Robin Williams will always be number one.

It should be noted that the Genie is not always in his blue form. This is so he can be somewhat of an advisor to Aladdin when he is pretending to be Prince Ali in order to impress the princess. This leads to something that I never expected for the Genie (spoiler): He finds a love interest. This interest is the Princess’s handmaiden (more like best friend) Dahlia (former SNL alum Nasim Pedrad). Am I the only kid from the 90s who thinks the Genie having a love interest is just … off?

This is not to say that the film doesn’t have positive attributes. Most of those come from the lead roles (who, I am happy to say, do some form of justice to “A Whole New World”). Massound’s Aladdin is like a kid friendly version of the characters from the Assassin’s Creed video games (he does do a lot of building hopping). The stand out, however, is Scott’s Jasmine. There is one new song (supplied by the legendary Alan Menken who worked on the original) called “Speechless”. This is sung (twice) by Jasmine in order to show female empowerment. I guess I should not be too surprised at this, but I am still not sure if it was needed for the story. One thing is for sure: Naomi Scott can sing rather well (I admit I got some moments that almost reminded me of Idina Menzel from Frozen). It is a breakthrough performance, and then some.

There are one or two added scares to the film (though there is no giant snake, there is a giant bird), but I would think the film would be okay for kids eight and up (as always, I urge parents to have their kids see the original first).

Aladdin also has some value in teaching us how to be ourselves as God intended (something we all struggle with). It also reminds us (with the idea of wishing) that what we wish for is not always what we wanted. The Genie (regardless of who plays the role) can also be seen as somewhat of a Christ like figure. Someone who inspires confidence, giving us opportunities we could not adhere ourselves, realizing our inner strength, pushing us to do the right thing. After all, we never will have a friend like Christ, right? (Not that it has to be stated, but of course I don’t think God is like a genie who grants wishes.)

I am not denying any of these lessons, or saying they are unimportant. What I am saying is simple: They were in the original, so why not just watch that?

I close by saying that the only reason Aladdin was not the most painful part of my day was because it was followed by a scheduled root canal. Then again, that did have Novacaine.

Overall:

Rating: 1 out of 5.