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"Top Tens", and others

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2024

My good friend Kenneth is a worthy cinephile, but since the release of Megalopolis, we have been fervently discussing our differences over the film: I was genuinely disappointed (yet still eager to try it again), and he (like many) truly hated it.

Yes, the film does not work, but I could at least see (somewhat) the idea Coppola was going for as he went for a big swing (in a year full of big swings in the cinema). If he is reading this, Kenneth should know I did see more than ten films worse than Megalopolis…and not one of them are Hot Frosty. (I did thankfully dodge a bullet by not seeing films I have heard are trash such as Borderlands, Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Crow, and Kraven the Hunter).

That said, here are the 10 worst films of 2024 that are totally worse than Megalopolis (not including that one movie I saw for free on Twitter by someone I refuse to say makes movies: Kenneth knows who I am talking about).

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4 1/2 Stars

Nosferatu (2024)

Even over a century after it’s release, F. W. Murnau’s Nosferatu is still considered by many (including me) as the best of all vampire movies.

Although a basic rip off of Dracula (Bram Stoker’s widow vowed to have all the copies destroyed and almost succeeded), it is a stark reminder that being a vampire seems appealing (mainly famous a while ago in the Twilight franchise, from what I heard), but that, in the long run, it can….well, suck.

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5 Stars Movies

Flow (2024)

After the memorably disappointing Moana 2, it seemed like the end of the line for animated films in 2024. While the leader of the pack was clearly The Wild Robot, there was not much else apart from the admirable Inside Out 2 and the humorously bizarre Memoirs of a Snail (it may be hard for me to listen to John Denver for some time now.) 

Then, as can only be described as a tsunami, entered Flow.

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4 1/2 Stars

Wicked: Part 1 (2024)

“DISCOVER WHAT HAPPENED IN OZ BEFORE DOROTHY DROPPED IN!”

So said the radio ad as I sat in my room as a High Schooler, when I first heard of the musical “Wicked.” My first reaction as a theater kid was genuine: “This sounds like one of the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.” Not long after, in the band room at school, our teacher mentioned we would be performing the music of Wicked, and everyone burst into applause…including me (peer pressure is a powerful thing). A little over a year or so later, I finally saw the show on stage, and was a life long fan of what would be come possibly the biggest musical to hit the 21st century (at least until Lin Manuel Miranda came around).

I had finally trusted my instincts, closed my eyes, and took the leap.

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2 1/2 Stars

Blitz (2024)

Call it a theory, but I am becoming more and more convinced that World War Two has been used as a backdrop for movies more than any other event in human history (perhaps because it occurred right around when movies really become a cultural phenomenon, not to mention the fact that Nazis never fail to make effective villains).

There have been so many of these movies that I have a timeline in my head (similar to the ones you would find about the MCU online) where certain stories (fictional or not)  are being played, be it Dunkirk (2017), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Casablanca (1942), Grave of the Fireflies (1988), The King’s Speech (2010), Empire of the Sun (1987), Come and See (1985), JoJo Rabbit (2019), or Inglorious Basterds (2009) (the latter two being in an alternative universe). That does not even account for films about the Holocaust (which I would argue is a separate event).

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2 Stars

Here (2024)

There has always been a special place in my heart for Forrest Gump.

It was always that “gateway” movie for me when I realized that movies are more than just kids entertainment (Disney or otherwise): they could also be for grown ups. While many a cynic may have dismissed it at the time (and in the following years), it’s straightforward charm has not diminished on all of us. That makes it all the more clear why marketers are pushing the new movie Here as one by the stars, director, and writers of the 1994 classic.

Regretfully, that is where the similarities end, as Here strives for the cinematic magic, and misses the mark by a fair amount. The idea of how this movie would be presented would have totally sounded like a wonderful idea at the pitch meeting. Based off of a graphic novel of the same name by Richard McGuire, the film is basically one long take from the corner of a living room (or where it would be in moments when we are in the past before the house was built).

Like many a Robert Zemeckis film, it is impressive on a technical level (each scene is interlocked with these blocks on screen connecting the different scenes/time periods). Also like many of his films, it stars Tom Hanks, playing Richard Young. He is married to Margaret (Robin Wright), who he has been with since High School.

The film decides to jump back and forth in time to other families, including time spent with the inventor of the lazy boy chair (David Fynn), a romantic pair of indigenous people (Joel Oulette and Dannie McCallum), a modern day African American family with a teenage son, and the times of Benjamin Franklin himself along with his family. And that is just to name a few of them.

I have no problem with a movie having multiple story lines and characters to follow, yet one of my main issues with the film is that each segment is on screen for no more than a few minutes, each one ending just before we are able to have any connection to the characters. It also does not help when the stories are not in any specific order, jumping both forward in time and backward in time as well.

As I mentioned before, it is impressive at a technical level, but not entirely. This is another film that uses AI to de age certain characters (mainly Hanks and Wright), yet it runs into the same problem seen in movies like Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) and The Irishman (2019). While they look younger, they don’t always move as a young person (there are also times when Hanks clearly does not sound young at all when he is supposed to.) The same cannot be said for Paul Bettany as Hanks’ father. Bettany is a good actor of course, but he barely seems to age at all in this film (both physically and in his voice).

Parents, aside from swearing (one F bomb), minor sexual content (no nudity), and thematic elements, there is nothing else to watch out for. Middle Schoolers and up would be fine (if it appeals to them).

Robert Zemeckis is indeed a very talented filmmaker, but his movies since winning Oscars for Forrest Gump three decades ago have not been able to match his earlier work. Since Gump, the only movies of his I’ve actually liked (that I have seen) are Contact (1997), Cast Away (2000), The Polar Express (2004), and Flight (2012). Again, good movies, but since Flight, he has not done much to be proud of (while I have not seen Allied (2016) or Welcome to Marwen (2018), I have heard not the best of reports about them). Mainly, I think I am still recovering from his abomination that was the 2022 Disney Live Action remake of Pinocchio.

I have nothing at all against movies that take place in a single location (who could dislike movies like Rear Window or 12 Angry Men?), but not when the idea of staying in one location (no matter how it is filmed) is the main selling point. I remember in the intro of his first Great Movies book, Roger Ebert talked about the masterful Japenese director, Yasujiro Ozu (who very seldomly moved his camera). Ebert mentioned about how, when a movie lover gets to Ozu (as all eventually do, he says), then one learns that cinema is not about moving, but about when to move.

By the time Here learns this, it is too late.

Overall:

Rating: 2 out of 5.
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4 Stars

Conclave (2024)

Just as Conclave, the new film by Edward Berger (who most recently did the 2022 remake of All Quiet on the Western Front) began, a random thought occurred to me: Ralph Fiennes has not received a knighthood.

Being American, I confess proudly I have no idea how that system works, but he surely belongs in the conversation of the greatest British thespians of the last few decades (it is astounding to me that he only has two Oscar nominations). Like most of the actors in Conclave, he is not one of the best known of movie stars, but he surely is known for capital A Acting.

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3 1/2 Stars Movies

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

Like many my age, my cinematic discovery of Michael Keaton was the same as my cinematic discovery of Tim Burton (well, it was actually Batman Returns before Batman.) The third for each would end up being Beetlejuice.

As a kid, it took me a lot of convincing that the guy behind the Batman mask was the same playing the bio exorcist. Still, it was a near perfect introduction to the mind of Tim Burton (I did not get to Pee Wee until later in life), as it made me aware at a young age directors could have there own sense of style.

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2 1/2 Stars Movies

Blink Twice (2024)

It’s no secret that movie trailers nowadays are prone to giving away too much of the movie* (a prime example is the remake of Speak No Evil).

Recently, I have made a personal choice to see a trailer only once or so (and very rarely do I seek out a second trailer of a film). This is one of the key reasons as to why I went into Blink Twice without knowing anything about it other than seeing the poster and possibly (I can’t remember) seeing the trailer once a few months ago. 

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3 Stars Movies

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

It is weird timing for a film like Deadpool & Wolverine.

Ever since the end of Thanos in Endgame, a majority of the shows and films have been, at best, just good (I exempt No Way Home). A lot of super hero fatigue can play into this, along with the termination of Jonathon Majors as Kang and both a writers and actors strike. The film also needs to live up to being not only the MCU debut of both it’s title characters, but the first MCU film to be rated R (more on that later).