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3 1/2 Stars Movies

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

My five year old self is dancing in his shell right now.

There is no denying my childhood was impacted by the shelled heroes in green, and I won’t be able to complete this review without reminiscing. They were on at 6:30 in the morning every day before my dad would drive me to day care. Somewhere out in the ether is a photo of me as Leonardo for Halloween (I vaguely remember being upset the swords were not real). I remember countless time playing the arcade game (still one of the greatest arcade games ever made), and watching the live action films (even the third one, which was bad even when I was a kid.)

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3 1/2 Stars

Elemental (2023)

(A recent text exchange with my little brother Connor)

Connor: (Star Wars Episode III) Revenge of the Sith is 18 years old!

Me: Finding Nemo is 20 years old.

Connor: Touché

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4 1/2 Stars

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Like many a nerd, I have spent the last few weeks glued to my Nintendo Switch playing The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (which I admit to playing as I do this review)

What makes it a truly effective sequel to the brilliant Breath of the Wild is not just the story (which has elements of Infinity War, time travel, and even Spirited Away) is that it expands upon its already vast world into new heights. The same can be said about Spider-Man: Across the Spider Verse, the sequel to the animated masterclass Into the Spider Verse.

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3 1/2 Stars

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Not long into The Little Mermaid, I wondered if I should now be disqualified from reviewing any more of the live action remakes.

As a nineties kid, I am not alone in saying how much Disney meant to me, especially when I think back to the VHS collection I had (no one had a better VHS case like Disney: those things felt bulletproof). Now we are in the remake stage.

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3 Stars Movies

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

A week ago, I talked about the Dungeons & Dragons movie, which was entertaining for something I knew very little to nothing about. Now, the other side of the coin, comes The Super Mario Bros. Movie, which I have known too much about since my brother and I got our first Super Nintendo when I was five years old.

Maybe that is a bit unfair. Indeed, there have been fans of DnD since before my time. Yet even those die hard fans have got to be fans of arguably the most popular mascot in video gaming. I have not played all of the games, but you don’t need to see his growth as a cultural icon. From the simplicity of sidescrolling and jumping to race karts and nearly every imaginable sport to galaxies and odysseys, Mario knows no bounds.

According to the critical consensus of Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a rather thin plot. While this is not entirely wrong, perhaps it is best remembered that this movie is for those averaged around the age of seven (such as my nephews that went with me to see the film). Though in my years of being affiliated with Mario, I never thought of him as having a big family (although him being an Italian should have been a giveaway.) 

Of course, there is no real surprise to see the film start off with Mario (Chris Pratt) and his brother Luigi (Charlie Day) starting out on their own as a new plumbing company. It isn’t long before they take the wrong pipe to another world, where the evil Bowser (Jack Black) is dead set on domination of all he sees, especially the Mushroom Kingdom and it’s ruler, Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy).

That is it as far as the story goes, which is just about the right amount of band width kids such as my aforementioned nephews (who loved the film) can take for a plot. Some may think of that lack of plot as a weakness, but it as far as keeping kids intrigued, it is a strength.

Surprisingly, the film also has some hidden strengths in it’s voice casting. Like many, I was more than hesitant at the idea of Chris Pratt voicing Mario, but it actually got to the point where I did not notice it at all. I have always been vocal in my fandom of Anya Taylor-Joy as a performer, and I won’t be saying anything different here. If anything, I was a bit more surprised her Princess Peach had more of a role than Luigi does.  There are others such as Keegan-Michael Key ramping it up as Toad, a really unrecognizable Fred Armisen as King Kranky Kong, and Seth Rogen’s Donkey Kong sounding like…Seth Rogen (which is not a negative in the slightest). Sadly, perhaps my favorite character was not in the film, but does show up in the post credit scene, so there is hope for the sequel.

In the end, there is one clear winner as the scene stealer, and it is Jack Black’s Bowser. Aside from adding more bass to his voice, there is the classic (albeit family version) of Black all over the Bowser scenes. It is one thing for Bowser to be a truly helpless “hopeless romantic”: it is another to have him playing the piano with the help of Black returning back to his days in Tenacious D. He is truly the best part of the film.

Parents, the film is PG. Your kids will be fine seeing this movie.

Those who are still skeptical should know something rather obvious: While this is no clear masterpiece, it is still much much MUCH better than the infamous catastrophe that was the 1993 version with the late Bob Hoskins. That movie was the start of a long run of movies based off of video games that were so bad it seemed like even a decent one would be a rarity. Over the last few years, that trend seems to have reversed somewhat, with the likes of the Sonic the Hedgehog films, the fedora wearing in Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, the reboot of Mortal Kombat, and (especially) the TV show The Last of Us.

It seems movies based on video games have finally had the dust blown out of the cartridge for good.

Let’s a- go!

Overall:

Rating: 3 out of 5.
Categories
1 1/2 Stars

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Just under a year ago, I remember a hangout with some of my best friends. We decided to watch a movie in the backyard with the big screen. The movie chosen beforehand was Hocus Pocus, a movie familiar to many 90s children like myself. I had revisited the film at least once before as an adult, and was sadly underwhelmed, for the nostalgia did not hold up. Yet I care for my friends and wanted to have a good time, so I persisted.

As I looked back at Roger Ebert’s review of the original, he said it was “like attending a party you weren’t invited to, and where you don’t know anybody, and they’re all in on a joke but won’t explain it to you.” 

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1 Star Movies

Pinocchio (2022)

There is no way I can discuss the live action remake of Pinocchio without talking in depth about the 1940 animated masterpiece

Maybe I just can’t see past the end of my nose, but it is what it is.

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4 1/2 Stars

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2022)

Sometimes, I really can walk into a movie with high expectations, but in the case of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, can you blame me?

Afterall, it isn’t easy getting a score of 98% on Rottentomatoes with over a hundred reviews (not to mention a 92% audience score with over 500 reviews), nor to be a film based off of a series of short films. Add in the fact that the film is literally about a living breathing Shell trying to find his family and it is no wonder one could consider this film nothing short of a long shot. 

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3 Stars Movies

Lightyear (2022)

Right from the get go, we see in the opening credits that Lightyear is not at all related to the semi-kooky but lovable Buzz we have seen grow since we first met him over a quarter century ago. Instead, it is the movie that would become the favorite of young Andy back in 1995 (when the original Toy Story was released.) 

Well, I knew I was not likely to get any call backs to Buzz being called “Mrs. Nesbit”(“DO YOU SEE THE HAT?”), but oh well. A framing device is a framing device.

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4 Stars

Turning Red (2022)

What was particularly curious to me about Turning Red was not the subject matter of the film so much as when the film takes place.

Halfway thru, I finally discovered that the film’s director, Domee Shi (her full length feature debut), was born around the same time as the film’s protagonist. This makes the intimacy of Turning Red only more personal and profound.